Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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