I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
