I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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