I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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