I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
