Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
