guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
