He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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