i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
