i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
