I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
