everyone is single if you try hard enough
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
