Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
