dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
