you would pick up someone in the library
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she peed on how many people?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
