I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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