I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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