Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
