Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
