Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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