Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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