He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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