Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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