You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
