I just threw up on my dentist
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize