So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
