Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
