If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
