I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it's great music for shaving your balls
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
