i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
