What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
