This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
