my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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