I want to make a zoo with you.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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