im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How external is "for external use only"?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
