Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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