Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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