I'm so fucking centered right now
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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