i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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