you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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