If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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