Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
