I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
