Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
