My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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