i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Four minutes until I can fart!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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