Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
