I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
