You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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