His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
