Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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