Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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