FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
