Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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