As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize