After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
