Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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