what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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