Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
