All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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