2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
