I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
