I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
