xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
