video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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