and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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