i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
