a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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