So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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